If you were to walk into a Kindergarten classroom and tell the group of students, “Raise your hand if you are an artist!” More than likely, all the students would raise their hands. “Who can run fast?” “Who is strong? Who is smart? Who is going to grow up to be whatever they want to be?” After every question, you would look out to a sea of raised hands eager to share their limitless abilities. I am also willing to venture a guess that none of the hands would ever go down- they would just reach a bit higher and closer to the stars with every question asked.
If you were to walk into an office and ask the same questions, what would happen? Most likely, hands would dig into pockets and eyes might dart around the room. You might also hear the employees mocking their own abilities, “I can run, I guess, if I had to. But not very far!” “An artist? I can’t even draw a circle.”
What happened? Why did we change? When you are 5, you are an artist, you are an athlete, you can do whatever you want, and the sky is the limit. Then, something changes. We grow up and become self-aware. With maturity and awareness comes self-talk. An inner dialogue that both protects us and limits us at the same time. Self-limiting thoughts and discussions can be things that protect us from failure and the unknown. They keep us safe in our cocoons; but with safety comes missed opportunities for reaching our goals and attaining personal growth. In our mind’s eye we become less able than others, everyone else becomes more competent than we are. These beliefs restrict us from reaching our true potential. They might prevent you from seeking a new opportunity or leaving a position you are not happy in. You are more inclined to stay in unsatisfying relationships. They might lead to a pattern of self-sabotaging behavior- behavior that aligns with your internal self-limiting beliefs. And the longer they go without being challenged, the stronger those beliefs will become. And with this self-talk emerges self-limiting beliefs. They are created unconsciously and can keep you in a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is full of anxiety, worry, false assumptions and unrealistic expectations. The thoughts spiral and we become afraid of risk taking and failing. We compare ourselves to the accomplishments of others and may feel that we fall short. We become comfortable and risk adverse. We gain insecurities. We develop implicit bias which is stereotypical thinking about people or situations outside of our conscious awareness.
Listen to your self- talk some time. Do you ever get frustrated and call yourself something negative? An idiot maybe? If you are not aware that you call yourself an idiot, how can you meet your inner genius? How can you realize your dreams?
It is one thing for these dialogs to limit us personally, but they also shackle us professionally. I’m not good enough: “I’m not good enough to manage this project.” I’m too old or too young: “I’m too young to be a manager or to get a promotion.” I don’t have enough time: “I don’t have enough time to invest in myself.” I’m not smart enough: “I’m not smart enough to be a leader or learn something new.” We become locked in what we consider safe, but what also aligns with what we believe we deserve. And, unfortunately, depending on your situation, it could be deeply frustrating and unsatisfying.
How do we break the cycle? We need to proactively retrain ourselves to be our greatest champion. That takes work and a commitment in creating new habits. Take the time to focus on all your gifts and strengths. There will always be someone better, but there will also always be someone who has greater challenges than you.
Ask yourself, “What would happen if your belief was wrong? What is the absolute worst-case scenario?” A belief is not the same as a fact. A belief is subjective, and it is your truth- but that does not mean that it is reality.
Remember to be proud of your accomplishments, no matter how small. Reflect and savor all of them. Every day you do things that someone, somewhere, wishes they could do.
Realize that self-limiting beliefs do more harm than good. They give us a safe place to run and hide, but that it about all that they do. Too much safety can eliminate all risk and risk taking is the only way to grow.
Challenge yourself. Reach beyond your self-imposed barriers. Start small. Maybe you really are an artist.