Enneagram Type 9 is often seen as being the mediator. The peacemaker who will extend the olive branch and meet others more than halfway. They provide a calming, steady presence and their natural disdain for conflict ensures that the boat will not be rocked in their presence. So concerned about the harmony around them, or the lack thereof, they can be self-forgetting as they selflessly tend to the needs of others.
9s are members of the Gut Triad (along with 8s and 1s). This means that when they meet a challenge, their first instinct is to DO Something, and they can be prone to impulsivity due to panic which leads to their acting without thinking. Members of the Gut Triad also exhibit a calmness or a control on the surface, but inside there is a festering anger right below the surface. With 9s, unlike 8s and 1s who tend to lash out, that anger is often turned against themselves.
9s avoid conflict at all costs. For a 9, conflict is associated with separation. Should the conflict escalate, a separation could occur that may never be reclaimed. This fear motivates the 9 to lose their self in the interests of others. As the song goes, lie to me- but please don’t leave.
As is true with all members of the Enneagram, these qualities may be seen on a sliding scale. If they are on the healthy end of the scale, their innate qualities create a person who is adept at empathy and moves through life planting seeds of kindness. The loyal friend who will give the shirt off their back if it makes the problem go away. But how do these traits become warped when a 9 is on the unhealthy end of the scale? It is possible for a 9 to place too much value and attention on harmony and comfort to others and thereby end up ignoring their own needs, opinions and priorities. In a desperate attempt to avoid conflict at all costs, they evoke a type of camouflage that they feel will stabilize the situation and appease those around them.
An unhealthy 9 may be inclined to self-insulate; they see the world is overwhelming, and a buffer must be created to keep all that conflict out. The buffer could take the form of a rut that 9 will chose to self-exile themselves into. Once in a rut, the 9s are prone to self-numbing and can put themselves mentally to sleep with patterns of doing or not doing; food, drink or entertainment (think hours of binge-watching or gaming). There are too many fires to put out, so they just check-out. When their self-imposed emotional exile, they feel that world makes people unimportant, and that fact requires them to blend in. This thought pattern makes comfort a substitute for love and personal success. 9s must remember that comfort is not their friend. If they aren’t fully sharing and engaged with others, how much connection can they have? And it is in the peaceful harmonious connections where 9s are their most content. Their challenge is to become awake and alive to themselves as well as their perspectives, needs and priorities. By asserting themselves, they can reclaim a personal sense of value and worth and be that friend that we all wish we had.